found a new "home". posting and reposting on tumblr. link is on the right - its NSFW fyi. i may make long posts here again but im not much of a writer.

meeting members of the opposite gender

I think i need to visit the local watering hole or something. I dunno. I need to find someone to connect with and talk to people. I don't know. anyone with insight?

So I like to fix computers.

Well I find it to be fun anyway. Taking someone's baby and fixing it back to the way it was. Destroying malware and viruses. Businesses charge 150 bucks to do a simple virus cleaning around here. I enjoy it so much I would probably do it for 20. However I got talked into charging at least 50 because it takes more than a day of scanning to get it done, and I still have college loans to pay off anyhow :P

I hope I can pick up some more computers to clean. My brother was nice enough to get three from the family he just married into. And they are all very nice people.

We went to their (our?) BBQ again this year and it was a lot of fun. I look forward to going again next year. I found out also I am going to be an uncle soon. So hooray for that.

/ramble

Quick post

Yeah the last post was pretty much written in a hurried mess and I said before I didn't want to do that anymore. I think what I will plan to do is to keep things as a draft and pick at them over the course of a day or two. My apologies to anyone who tried to read that mess and +1 internets for anyone who understood it.

Que Sera, Sera!

Hey yo adrian.

Love the Rocky series. I hear that they are thinking about making another one sans boxing. I think it would do well. The underlying morality and humanity the movies portray gives plenty of depth to play on for another movie. Although it almost seems that the Rocky Balboa movie was made just for that kind of closure already.

There are just so many levels that people can connect with. And some of the quotes in the movies are just so good and memorable. Rocky Balboa: "What's so crazy about standing toe to toe with someone saying "I am"?"or Rocky Balboa: "Why do you gotta owe something to get something?".

 The long quote about the world not being sunshine and rainbows is good too.

I think it also speaks on how we all have to find out who we are in this world and just keep pushing forward to your goal, whatever that might be. and how much others can both help and hinder the process and you have to figure out who is helping and who is hindering and decide for yourself who to keep close and who can't be helped.

Nobody is perfect though being able to learn from your mistakes and learning when you need help to stop making them helps. Friends, Family or maybe a support group. We all need somebody. Rocky at least had Adrian. They helped each other fill the gaps.

enough of my ramblings for now.

Long time no post

I really want someone i can really hash things out with. Real talk to. A fucking soul mate.

Narcissim

I think we all have it. I don't deny that I have been both below and above the healthy levels at times. I think most of my depression has stemmed from being below the line and not seeing my own self worth at the level it is supposed to be.

But at the same time, I think it is a fine line that some of us can see and some cannot or don't care to. I would rather not cross too far over and see myself as worth more than most people. These kind of people really get to me. They manipulate and make jokes about others but when anything is said about them they stop laughing. Suddenly they are out for blood. I can't stand these people. I know that we are all flawed and need to be loved/forgiven equally, but for whatever reason I just have a hard time being in company with it.

Remembering back to my college years, my English teacher passed out a NYTimes article about how children today have a really bad entitlement attitude lately. I commented that it's not always the case and maybe some actually deserve *insert whatever here*. But the more I've thought about it over the years children are being raised to believe that they matter more than anyone. They have to watch out for number 1 (I think you do but to a point). And they go on to believe that they are really number 1 and everyone else is under them.

I wonder whatever happened to the times where people seemed to watch out for each other. Was that just a movie thing? When neighbors cared about neighbors and helped each other out. Did that actually happen in the past? or have we really become a bunch of entitled jerks with an unhealthy amount of narcissism. Is there a way to correct it?

I hope someday at least I can correct it when raising a child. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord sort of thing. And at least make the world a little more hopeful. But even those things wished for rarely comes to pass.

again only time will tell.

Yay

Perhaps is because I'm coming off a bad cold, but I've been feeling in rather high spirits lately. I'm sure that it will pass eventually but i hope things continue going up for at least a little while. I'd make this longer but it's late and posting from a tablet is a bit of a pain.

:-)

Ups and downs

I know we all have them and we all have to deal with them. Does identifying the root cause help? Even if it does it probably wouldn't help crying wolf at every thing that sets one off after its already triggered. After awhile though it feels like life is nothing but a ship at sea being tossed about by the waves with no way to steer itself in any direction on its own. It would call out for help if there where any other ships nearby but the storm would probably carry those calls away. At what point does the ship understand that the storm is out of its control and has to make the daily decision to maintain rather than struggle to control it an to stave away giving up altogether.

One for the road

More constructive posts

I feel that I should post more constructive blog posts and maybe less of the scatterbrained posts. Less of a diary of mythical dreaming and more thought out and meditated on conscious subjects to help bring out more thought. There will be the space for humor and such as it has its place but i feel that one becomes what one thinks and so i should become more focused in some area.

To the future.

And furthermore

In all legality, i want what all want. A soulmate,

The eye

The eye is a port to the soul. It readily devourers everything we set before it. It has no filter to divide that which builds us up or that which tears us down. We must actively decide what to dwell on and what to continue feeding it. As the old proverb says, the wolf that gets fed the most, is the one that wins.

Bucket list add

I think it would be apart of most peoples bucket list to get inebriated or high with a member of the opposite gender in the same room and discuss philosophical things at some length. Well at least i think it would be interesting.

E: to exchange thoughts unabated, in free form. such freedom can only be wished for.

Zdzisław Beksiński

Interesting artist

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zdzisław_Beksiński

Why anything

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been overweight my whole life and any attempt to lose it has been met with a door slamming in my face. I have an aversion to going to a crowded gym and home gym is always covered in junk. My diet is fairly good but i have lost more weight when i lived on my own and had a job. I wish i could go back to that. Sorry for my French but fuck this economy. Fuck depression, and well, fuck technology.

Technology has replaced many jobs and will replace many more. If you think you are immune, you don't think hard enough. Logically people do not need to exist, so if you find a way to cut them out, you become apart of the problem.

Ah whatever. It is what it is.