Just a quick post on my drinking habits.
One reason i do is that many people i know are not very honorable. I cannot understand it and after trying, i see it makes no difference either because they do not care or i do not matter. Humanity kind of drills at my psyche. Everyone seems to play a zero sum game instead of being considerate. I just don't know...
Another is tied to the first. Nothing seems to matter. I don't feel needed in any sense anymore and being wanted is a case by case basis. I don't know how strongly i feel about this as i have been avoidant of people because of trust issues. Not sure if i am high functioning autistic or high functioning schizo... Or just have bad trust issues because of the company I've had throughout my life.
Last i guess is boredom. Just because there is nothing to do because nobody wants to hire me. Depression seems to cycle up and down and i find myself either surrounded by assholes or people who like to marginalize me.
The economy sucks. Maybe college was a bad idea. Who knows. I hope things change soon, but with Obama's fiscal cliff coming up, i doubt it.
Ah man. Why aren't futuramas suicide booths not available yet. :-P
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