Gainful employment

So I got denied from getting another job again. I wonder if it's worth trying to get employed by an employer like most people or if I should indeed carve out my own way to make money. It would be nice to know what reasons they rejected my application though.

I got pretty high marks for my 2 year college degree and most successful entrepreneurs seem to be reported as dropouts... Is the economy this bad or am I unemployable as an INTJ.

Darn social circus

Other thoughts

I also have been keeping a dream journal but i am not sure if i should digitize it and/or post it on here. I had like 3-7 different dreams last night and wrote down most of what i could remember.

That's something else i like to do is dream. It happens less often than i like but it's nice when it does. I watched a movie on TV last night that i hadn't seen before and my dreams had some elements of what i watched and had some of what i wrote before bed in the blog.

When not too depressed watching movies can lift mood, although some elements can lower it also. Writing down stuff going through my mind seems to help too. Its like the silent friend that likes to listen that is very hard to find.

Why I drink

Just a quick post on my drinking habits.

One reason i do is that many people i know are not very honorable. I cannot understand it and after trying, i see it makes no difference either because they do not care or i do not matter. Humanity kind of drills at my psyche. Everyone seems to play a zero sum game instead of being considerate. I just don't know...

Another is tied to the first. Nothing seems to matter. I don't feel needed in any sense anymore and being wanted is a case by case basis. I don't know how strongly i feel about this as i have been avoidant of people because of trust issues. Not sure if i am high functioning autistic or high functioning schizo... Or just have bad trust issues because of the company I've had throughout my life.

Last i guess is boredom. Just because there is nothing to do because nobody wants to hire me. Depression seems to cycle up and down and i find myself either surrounded by assholes or people who like to marginalize me.

The economy sucks. Maybe college was a bad idea. Who knows. I hope things change soon, but with Obama's fiscal cliff coming up, i doubt it.

Ah man. Why aren't futuramas suicide booths not available yet. :-P

something someone made for me.

thanks Nicolay.

Fun stuff to do

You know what I find enjoyable? thumbing through photoblogs. Ones that have pictures of all kinds, from every walk of life and all around the world. They don't have to be the best quality photos, but each one tells its own tale and brings up different thoughts and feelings.

Each blog has a life of its own. Well obviously, someone has to be posting that stuff. But it also takes on its own path and tells a story.

Good ones are always hard to find mostly because good is a relative term at least as far as blogs go. Finding one you can connect with can be difficult, but I think it is at least worth the effort to locate one.

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I need to figure out some topics of conversation that people are willing to talk about and that I am willing to talk about. Honestly there is so much random stuff floating around in my head, it's easier to let it stay there and contemplate it later. And whenever I try to share, people either don't seem to care about it or want to talk about it right way. I can say I am guilty of this also, especially if it is a new topic. I feel I have to go and research it more before I can give an answer either way, but then that topic never seems to come up again.

I wonder if stating that I have no idea would be an acceptable response or if it's just okay to let people run themselves out and change topics, I mean it has worked fine so far. Sometimes people need to process what is on their mind, and that is okay too.

I think it would be better to have a close friend to do some give and take though. A personal peer review if you will of ideas. Being able to have a different viewpoint on an idea is important in any creative process. Watching freddiew behind the scenes for VGHS on youtube kind of brings this to light. Even the writers explain that during production they have to stop and kind of brainstorm on what is going on and what they could do to do better.

In the real world I see myself do this, but on an internal basis. It may make me look slow to act, and maybe it does make me so, but I would rather be sure of my current path then constantly questioning what I am walking on. Not that it helps every time.

Some people take the warriors method to life and just charge into everything first and question it later. That is fine too, sometimes you need to be a man of action. Sometimes I play that role and get complimented for it, most of the time though I just let things play out. Watch others fumble through the thought process and let them mess up if they have to, to learn. Not because I feel I am a know it all, much of the time I don't know either. But even if i do know, telling at people doesn't help most of the time. People need to do stuff wrong many times before they learn it is wrong. Telling them otherwise just makes you seem like a know it all and they do it anyway - more of a waste of energy. (maybe not so if you are their respected teacher/master)

Gentle talking afterwards seems to get the point across better - because it seems to solidify the learning experience for them. Seems to be an appropriate path that parent/children take. Although it is not applicable in all situations. It would seem like a bad idea to let them get run over by a car before telling them no.

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But I ramble.

Later

just thinking

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” - William Gibson

yaar

well i did some volunteer work last week and it went pretty well. I will probably sign up again provided that I am still between jobs.

The trip to Canada wen OK as well. I managed to kill my truck battery and break the passenger seat. lol. But had a great time and real good food, especially the poutine. yum.

A couple friends had a nexus 7, and I got to try it out and got hooked. ended up buying one after I got home. It's really nice.

went up the mt. Washington cog railway a couple weeks ago as well. that was a fun experience as well. got some ok pictures and videos.

I will have to remember to update this more frequently so I can go into better detail.

o well. till next time.

Le Job Search

Another day

Went out to eat at Cathay Hut with my parents. Always great food. We had some drinks too. Feeling overall better. Still kind of feeling worthless, but more of a king type worthless. Yeah, he's just a figurehead, but he's still pretty worthless.

Did some brainstorming and discussed making up a business card and setup a local business to help people with computer issues and maybe some tutoring. Seeing as I am A+ Certified there should be no issues with guarantees going bad etc. Pricing maybe 15/hr or per half hour for tutoring and 30/hr or per half hour for troubleshooting with minimal charge if I cannot solve the issue.

Will just need to figure out how people can get a hold of me as I do not own a phone...

Depressed again.

Long story short missed a job interview. Was going to take my GPS but the morning routine did not go as planned. Ended up driving around for 2 hours looking for the place before giving up.

Been mostly in bed since. Not sure if I should call up and explain or just leave it be. I read most of the time a missed or even being late to an interview makes it impossible to land the job anyhow. It sounded so promising over the phone. She asked me to bring two forms of ID - that is usually a good sign.

Feel more worthless then ever. What do now.

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I kind of wish I grew up as a son of a blacksmith or something. Learn a trade and grow up into it. Have someone to mentor me as I learn a profession.

This economy sucks.

Been awhile since I posted anything....

So here is a quick update. Still out of work. Been looking and applying for pretty much anything nearby that is within my skillset. Love to find those will train jobs but those are few and far inbetween.

Got a domain finally. It isn't anything catchy, just something to toy around with. www.lafingman0.com - it just links here at the moment. Any decent site hosting seems expensive and not having an income kind of stops me at just having a domain name.

Been playing Arma2 a lot. Realistic military simulators are pretty fun, although single player seems to crash every 10-60 minutes, multiplayer is pretty solid. DayZ is ok, but I can't see playing without my close friends wanting to.

Maybe I will return to post more later.