Thursday, March 31, 2011
Interpersonal Communication
I like to learn things and know everything I can about things - but I wonder sometimes if I require too much of others. Let me explain.
When learning a new task I feel I have an unusually low confidence and will ask about everything I can think of, and usually it's more then I need to know. I like to take things apart with my mind and be able to realize the entirety of things in my mind. That's always been a biggie when learning math. I like to know why x could mean anything - I had to learn about variables first. But that's just one small example.
I find people also don't like, or can't realize things themselves when your telling them something - unless it's something they actually want to learn (which is rare). You have to employ something like the socratic method for inception to occur. But I also dislike manipulation, and there is a fine line there I generally don't like to toy with.
I seem to find people don't like to be bothered with such small details and would rather talk small talk or joke around. I still ask my questions, until they start giving me the cold shoulder. I do have fun with and enjoy joking around. I can also do some small talk but it's mostly to just keep the relations on the up and up. I find these things help for when I do have a question later, so I don't seem like thats all I want. (bleh)
Maybe that's why my verbal communication feels stunted. I feel there is much to learn in this arena of communication but I'm not quite sure how to proceed. People don't usually like needy people, but I would like a place to fit in and feel important, I think we all do. Even if fitting in means working alone or at a remote location. Just so I don't feel like I have potential abilities that are going to waste. :P
When learning a new task I feel I have an unusually low confidence and will ask about everything I can think of, and usually it's more then I need to know. I like to take things apart with my mind and be able to realize the entirety of things in my mind. That's always been a biggie when learning math. I like to know why x could mean anything - I had to learn about variables first. But that's just one small example.
I find people also don't like, or can't realize things themselves when your telling them something - unless it's something they actually want to learn (which is rare). You have to employ something like the socratic method for inception to occur. But I also dislike manipulation, and there is a fine line there I generally don't like to toy with.
I seem to find people don't like to be bothered with such small details and would rather talk small talk or joke around. I still ask my questions, until they start giving me the cold shoulder. I do have fun with and enjoy joking around. I can also do some small talk but it's mostly to just keep the relations on the up and up. I find these things help for when I do have a question later, so I don't seem like thats all I want. (bleh)
Maybe that's why my verbal communication feels stunted. I feel there is much to learn in this arena of communication but I'm not quite sure how to proceed. People don't usually like needy people, but I would like a place to fit in and feel important, I think we all do. Even if fitting in means working alone or at a remote location. Just so I don't feel like I have potential abilities that are going to waste. :P
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Mostly a note for myself (and if anyone else is interested)
on page 19 (p.17) - so far a good read about how different things effect cognitive abilities
Monday, March 28, 2011
Some sites I was reading today
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_psychology_(psychology)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heuristic
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect
And a few others that were links inside those pages - interesting stuff.
second and third link are indirect answers to
Stephanie@ConstituteExistence's last comment (I'm not sure how else I should reply) :P
As a more direct answer I would probably say most (if not all) people are not completely honest with themselves. I see it as a human trait (flaw?) which I think has multiple reasons why it exists. Selfishness, self-defense, limited time, differences in cognitive abilities, memory recall, memory storage and many other quantifiable reasons. Many more are listed on the Cognitive Dissonance and Confirmation Bias wiki pages.
I think a lot of it is based on our limited time in life, life experiences and time we are willing to spend thinking honestly about such things. Even then I believe another party is key to challenging thoughts and theories. Someone like the soul mate I eluded to from one of my other posts (also like in Good Will Hunting).
I like to keep people around me on their toes if I get the chance. Some call me a pain in the butt, but to each his own I guess. I see the ability so see things differently is both a blessing and a curse. If only I could profit on the blessing part...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heuristic
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bystander_effect
And a few others that were links inside those pages - interesting stuff.
second and third link are indirect answers to
Stephanie@ConstituteExistence's last comment (I'm not sure how else I should reply) :P
As a more direct answer I would probably say most (if not all) people are not completely honest with themselves. I see it as a human trait (flaw?) which I think has multiple reasons why it exists. Selfishness, self-defense, limited time, differences in cognitive abilities, memory recall, memory storage and many other quantifiable reasons. Many more are listed on the Cognitive Dissonance and Confirmation Bias wiki pages.
I think a lot of it is based on our limited time in life, life experiences and time we are willing to spend thinking honestly about such things. Even then I believe another party is key to challenging thoughts and theories. Someone like the soul mate I eluded to from one of my other posts (also like in Good Will Hunting).
I like to keep people around me on their toes if I get the chance. Some call me a pain in the butt, but to each his own I guess. I see the ability so see things differently is both a blessing and a curse. If only I could profit on the blessing part...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Closure maybe?
Couple thoughts on the masked human interaction.
I see it as either, people do it and are blissfully unawares that they do it. Like quite a few of the lies in this society its one that is easy to get away with because its seen that everyone does it. If it is done untruthfully, it can be hard to detect, even by a trained eye.
and/or
It is kind of a necessity. Kind of like how a single PC has to open up communication with a server. It has to start somewhere and usually its with a couple of hellos and requests on server/client statuses. If I may bring in another quote from Einstein, "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once."
I guess the bottom line is, communication is a tool. And like most tools, they can be used for good or for evil. The choice is up to the person using the tool (or the player, playing the game). As long as it isn't being used for selfish manipulation (lies to benefit ones-self) and/or to harm others, but instead as a generic human interface to be able to converse with others, I see no harm.
But from here, it does look like another one of those fine lines...
I see it as either, people do it and are blissfully unawares that they do it. Like quite a few of the lies in this society its one that is easy to get away with because its seen that everyone does it. If it is done untruthfully, it can be hard to detect, even by a trained eye.
and/or
It is kind of a necessity. Kind of like how a single PC has to open up communication with a server. It has to start somewhere and usually its with a couple of hellos and requests on server/client statuses. If I may bring in another quote from Einstein, "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once."
I guess the bottom line is, communication is a tool. And like most tools, they can be used for good or for evil. The choice is up to the person using the tool (or the player, playing the game). As long as it isn't being used for selfish manipulation (lies to benefit ones-self) and/or to harm others, but instead as a generic human interface to be able to converse with others, I see no harm.
But from here, it does look like another one of those fine lines...
American Psycho definitely deserves its R rating.
There seem to be a lot of people say conformity is a comfort for most people. That its kind of a drug or the easy way out. Patrick from this movie seems to use this as a tool to bait people into his traps and yet can't escape it to relieve himself from his pain of this world. Its like a double edged sword for him.
There does seem to be an ease for most people that do conform. The more social lubricant you apply, the easier it is to get things. I wonder if its just because people don't like to think about the hard questions, or think at all. But you can't tell what people are thinking (at least I can't).
It also seems impossible for me to find someone to talk to on this level, that's mostly why I'm writing these blogs (I don't know if anyone will read them, or care to), and even if I do, I have a hard time with verbal communication. I have a bad short term memory and along with Asperger's, I also believe I have CAPD (which generally accompanies it).
Most people I try to talk to I don't feel would be interested in it anyway. It seems like more people are selfish then selfless. I am to sometimes (maybe more then I think?) and I avoid spilling stuff out to people because I don't want to seem conceited or egotistical. I feel like I just think a lot about these things, and I guess if others don't like to, they probably wouldn't want to discuss it either. So I'm stuck either way. :/
Around the last 20 minutes of the movie, though, I was expecting a mind-freak. That the whole movie of killing was just in his mind (where did he get that gun anyway?).
It is what it is, I guess.
There seem to be a lot of people say conformity is a comfort for most people. That its kind of a drug or the easy way out. Patrick from this movie seems to use this as a tool to bait people into his traps and yet can't escape it to relieve himself from his pain of this world. Its like a double edged sword for him.
There does seem to be an ease for most people that do conform. The more social lubricant you apply, the easier it is to get things. I wonder if its just because people don't like to think about the hard questions, or think at all. But you can't tell what people are thinking (at least I can't).
It also seems impossible for me to find someone to talk to on this level, that's mostly why I'm writing these blogs (I don't know if anyone will read them, or care to), and even if I do, I have a hard time with verbal communication. I have a bad short term memory and along with Asperger's, I also believe I have CAPD (which generally accompanies it).
Most people I try to talk to I don't feel would be interested in it anyway. It seems like more people are selfish then selfless. I am to sometimes (maybe more then I think?) and I avoid spilling stuff out to people because I don't want to seem conceited or egotistical. I feel like I just think a lot about these things, and I guess if others don't like to, they probably wouldn't want to discuss it either. So I'm stuck either way. :/
Around the last 20 minutes of the movie, though, I was expecting a mind-freak. That the whole movie of killing was just in his mind (where did he get that gun anyway?).
It is what it is, I guess.
More thoughts on the masks we wear
While watching American Psycho (still watching it atm) I came across this post and it seems kind of inline with what I posted the other day, except it's a bit more severe, both in its observations and conclusions. This whole thought process seems to have effected his life very severely.
While reading the comments, I came across a few good ones.
jlovett makes a similar observation to Einstein (quoted a week back) that everyone is a genius in their own way and the OP shouldn't see them as just stupid creatures.
Indrid seems to be headed down a similar thought path that I feel like taking.
I also came across one this reply by Gregg:
It seems to stand out the most. It seems to describe how this creature exists in its hostile environment in its own way. It doesn't pretend to be a shark and go around biting things, or change colors to make it look like it's poisonous; instead it retracts itself from the hostile environment and feels its way back in. idk - this whole "the masks we wear" psychology thing is hopefully going to come to a point eventually.
The guy from American Psycho seems to be able to wear his mask flawlessly. I wonder if the more you try to conform, the crazier you get, or have to be. :P
As Charlie Sheen would probably put it, "those guys [wearing masks] are a bunch of fools and trolls". Even though everyone sees him as going crazy, sometimes I think he may be one of the sane ones...
While watching American Psycho (still watching it atm) I came across this post and it seems kind of inline with what I posted the other day, except it's a bit more severe, both in its observations and conclusions. This whole thought process seems to have effected his life very severely.
While reading the comments, I came across a few good ones.
jlovett makes a similar observation to Einstein (quoted a week back) that everyone is a genius in their own way and the OP shouldn't see them as just stupid creatures.
Indrid seems to be headed down a similar thought path that I feel like taking.
I also came across one this reply by Gregg:
Think of intelligence as being an anemone; a beautiful clear deep-sea creature with tentacles everywhere. When that anemone is disturbed, it will pull in its tentacles into itself and it will look like a totally different creature. For awhile. Then it will slowly put out a couple of tentacles here and maybe some over there until it feels there is no threat and then it will unfold in all its beauty.
What makes that anemone so wondrous? Did it do anything to make the beauty that is the anemone?
I would say the anemone is a gift to the environment and the beauty that it has been given is by the admiration of the environment.
You can be just a particle floating by in he ocean of life, in the grief, pain, and the sorrow; but watch the anemone.
It seems to stand out the most. It seems to describe how this creature exists in its hostile environment in its own way. It doesn't pretend to be a shark and go around biting things, or change colors to make it look like it's poisonous; instead it retracts itself from the hostile environment and feels its way back in. idk - this whole "the masks we wear" psychology thing is hopefully going to come to a point eventually.
The guy from American Psycho seems to be able to wear his mask flawlessly. I wonder if the more you try to conform, the crazier you get, or have to be. :P
As Charlie Sheen would probably put it, "those guys [wearing masks] are a bunch of fools and trolls". Even though everyone sees him as going crazy, sometimes I think he may be one of the sane ones...
Friday, March 25, 2011
(philosophical question) do you think faking happiness or kindness is the same as lying? e.g. when someone asks you how your doing you give the generic answer: good. - or is it something else?
I would really like to know the answer... preferably I prefer someone to be truthful regardless of first impressions or whatever. I think the better first impression is being able to be truthful --- however (backpedaling?) it's not like I want someone to come at me with their heart on their sleeve or something similar and to tell me their life story (at least all at once).
Is there a happy medium?
I don't mean to have it sound like a loaded question - I'm just being honest here. Has human interaction really come to mere salesmanship of ones self and a full rejection of what you really are? I just don't know anymore. :P
I would really like to know the answer... preferably I prefer someone to be truthful regardless of first impressions or whatever. I think the better first impression is being able to be truthful --- however (backpedaling?) it's not like I want someone to come at me with their heart on their sleeve or something similar and to tell me their life story (at least all at once).
Is there a happy medium?
I don't mean to have it sound like a loaded question - I'm just being honest here. Has human interaction really come to mere salesmanship of ones self and a full rejection of what you really are? I just don't know anymore. :P
Saturday, March 19, 2011
"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddamn stupid useless conversations with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something, they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life." - The Catcher in the RyeI kind of want to read that book just because of the quote.
Random thoughts over the past couple days.
- Why is it that I feel too damn perceptive?
- Am I too much of a Realist?
- Is It too Much to ask to want someone to Relate to?
Maybe I need a challenge or a challenger - someone like a soul-mate (see good will hunting)
Someone to be able to talk to, and to challenge, and to be challenged.
Someone with a brain and with the same moral compass/ideals. They don't need to have a high I.Q. - I believe there is an intelligence that is like wisdom that cannot be measured by any conventional means. Kind of like a street smarts.
I somewhat feel like Adam in the Garden, wandering around lonely before God created Eve.
I don't know if this depression is normal, or if its just a standard thought process felt by all humans - but it would be nice to have this/these need(s) filled.
Sometimes I wonder if the effort would be worth it to excel at something (If I haven't already) - to feed an addiction like House MD and turn a profession up to 11 - or if choosing inaction as my action and continue over analyzing my life (welcome to philosophy?) - perhaps just drink myself into not caring - or into nothing.
Yes I have contemplated suicide (thought about it), but what thinker hasn't. By me talking about it, you too have now thought about it. It's not something I like to share - People freak out when it's brought up, or see it as manipulation.
I don't see it as a serious viable option, I see it as a cowards way out in a sense. It's just there at the end of the end of the rope (not the end of the rope). Any clinical treatment for it would probably push me away from my own humanity and closer to depression and closer to it. Probably because I'm an INTJ/Aspie -- I am pretty complacent most of the time and dislike any changes, but I know they are necessary and I do change at times. I feel I take note more often then others with these changes, however.
I would like a wife - but fear grips me. There is to much fake out there - Too much that's not real.
Finding a woman that is truthful and not crossing that line again - before marriage. I made that mistake once, and I see it as once too many.
It seems like too big of a chance to take - but also being able to find that real woman - not someone playgirl that the world raised - someone a bit more independently minded and not a manipulator! I know there is a very fine line between loving/caring and controlling/manipulative - that's something I don't want to cross either.
I fear that my inabilities to easily perceive simple human body language and behavior as an Aspie might handicap me from finding someone good for me and lead me into another bad friendship/relationship - I don't like being just another worthless sheep/tool. I'm not even sure how a real relationship functions.
I don't like small talk - I prefer deep philosophical discussions.
Sometimes I feel as if I just need to visit a good Godly therapist. But where to find one?
People don't seem to like to think a lot, or maybe they just like to think out loud too much and are more spur of the moment. Sometimes I think that that's my problem, I think too much. But to each his own, right?
Tony Patterson - "More that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and to have a narrow view of what makes a person great excludes and demeans a lot of people. If we were only to judge people on their physical prowess, Einstein would be a poor specimen of a man." - Mar 18, 2011
- Making mistakes and finding out your wrong is a good thing in it's own way - It helps you learn things (this is part of the human condition) and it brings you closer to truth.
- A lot of people want to be a "useful" tool - Isn't that what it means to be a professional at something? to be able to avail or to be used for some purpose? At least some positions - like a computer tech / network admin / what have you - people want to hone skills to be useful to someone that pays their bills.
- Why do I have to be the wise man?
- Why do people even call me wise? - Do I deserve it? I think too much.... Maybe not enough?
Yay rambling!
- Do people that are introverts or social when alone listen to talk radio more?
- Do prudes understand that people are sexual creatures by nature?
- Body language in real life vs. television - and televisions influence on it - a vicious cycle/circle?
- Using disabilities as an excuse for other mutually exclusive problems is not acceptable most of the time! kthx
I feel that it's probably the main reason why I lack confidence in wanting to learn something to an extreme and become something of a Bill Gates or what have you. I just don't see a point. Sure I do look things up and like to learn but it seems like more and more lately I get discouraged or just don't feel like pushing the envelope of knowledge further. I mean the money would be nice - but other then financial security, why bother if your only going to be accepted by other people just for having cash.
In this economy, I definitely don't feel needed by anyone. Money does talk, and sometimes the silence seems to do most of the talking. ~
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